*

as of ytd morning,
i'm fearing for the worse..
ii wont blog it out now till the results are confirm /=

been moodless the whole of today and sudden breakdown at diff times.
nobody knows yet except for dearest&kennyDI,
sorry ii cldnt tell you girls yet *you know who you are*
ii just somehow feel i'd be a burden and depend on your too much if ii told you all.
gomen ne ~
i'd let your be the first to know when the time comes k ?
*loves*

might be canceling the clubbing next week..
if it's bad then i'm just stay home all the way..
at least later it's the last day of sch so ii dont needa be so exhausted from putting a dam smile -.-
why cant ii just show my true self ehhs ?
*BAHHS !*

ii dont even have the mood to sleep now..
feel like drinking but ii dont have any mixers to go with black label @.@
wth !
&ii hate drinking pure so it's outta the question D:

papa came to the hospital again but we didnt really talk..
it suddenly seems so weird seeing him..
last time i'd yearn to see him and not feel the least awkward around him,
but now it's like total strangers.
though i do still yearn a lil for his care *if he even bothers bout kor&me*
kor seems to know everything bout this family and idk a thing..
why ?
aint ii old enough to know it too ?
or does mama plan to never let me know and slowly let kor spill the beans ?
hais ~

ii aint wanted anywhere so why am ii here ?
i'm dumb, stupid, useless and a burden to others..
so why ..
why do ii still wish someone would think of me as special when ii know it's impossible ?
i'm always doing everything wrong..
everyone always seem to say tt since young so i'm kinda immune to it..
but why is there a lil yearning tt one day there'd be someone telling me it's not my fault, it's not my wrong ?
heh..

stop dreaming !!
it'd never happen..
not in this life..
not in the next or the next after either..
never...