*

idk why ..
ii just feel like drowning myself right now..
drowning&not caring a single thing.
ii dont feel like doing anything,
dont feel like eating
dont feel like drinking
dont feel like living

ii wanna go for plastic surgery,
ii wanna be prettier,
ii wanna be numb so tt
ii could cut my own flash out .
the feeling of inferiority is so great
tt i actually hate myself so much now ~
ARGHH !! ~

feel like banging my head till ii get into a coma,
till i forget who i am..
okays, idk who ii am in the first place la -.-
hais ..

ii have the feeling to just take my penknife
not to slit my wrist but ..
to slit my face ..
to slit my neck for hope tt ii might cut till my wind pipe..
to slit myself dead ..

idk why i'm thinking all these ..
idk why i'm like this now ..
idk wth is wrong with me now..
i cant handle anything anymore ..

i'm lost ..
totally lost ..
is this a dream or reality ?
i feel useless ..
i feel inferior ..
i feel sadistic ..
i feel lonely ..
i feel unsafe ..
i feel empty ..
i feel like crying out of the sudden,
&i dont even know why ..

i'd just be looking and doing my own thing,
&the next thing i know is i'm crying ..
crying&not knowing why ..
ARGHHHHHH !!

ii feel like screaming my lungs out,
but i cant.
ii feel like crying my heart out,
but idk why.
ii feel worst than rubbish,
but i have to hide the facts.

if only ii can make a happy clone of myself,
then i stay home while tt clone entertain everyone tt knows me,
then i'd be able to fade away without worries.