this is how bored ii am at home.
ii ain't even going out but cos of the boredom..
ii dressed up&doll myself up&cam-whore !! LOL
xD
just get outta my blog if the pics disgust you yeah !?

PEACE OUT !!

with my hoodie on xD





okays..
the pics seems way too much but HEY !!
it just shows how boring it is at home =x
hahas ~

&ignore my previous post ..
guess ii was like too emo tt point in time xD
so yea ~

`replicatoreishii*

maybe it might happen, maybe it wont

I'm losing control over myself.
ii cant continue lying to myself anymore.
as much as ii try to be positive in front of him.
in the end, I'm only lying to myself.
I've always know if ii can get the guy ii love or not.
&this time..

it's impossible ~

he's so near yet so far from my grasp .
the pain from loving someone secretly.
I'm going insane.
ii can't be positive anymore,

this mask does not suit me.

each time ii meet up with him.
ii have to pretend to smile&be happy with life.
but the only reason ii could do it in front of him

is cos he's just beside me.

but back home.

my energy is all drained away.

ii know very well tt ii cant have him.
yet I'm so insane over him.
he stopped calling me those sweet names.
it hurts but ii still tried to continue a conversation.
he stopped being sweet to me.
tt makes me so afraid to lose him altogether.

who am ii lying to?

I'm going out of control.
maybe not eat for a few days
then eat all the med tt ii have at one go.
so if ever ii stop replying messages..
you all sld know what happen to me.

th tracy you all know..
doesn't have the courage to carry on living anymore.
but I've tried almost everything in life already.
so ii guess i could go away peacefully /=
ii guess ii owe the biggest sorry to ..
MyFamily

*for bringing me up*

RON

*you're the one I'm insane over now, sorry for not being able to carry on
despite on how you're telling me to grow up but it's just not me*

ArhBee

*for always being there no matter what&what time,
we always seem to know when either of us are down
even without telling each other,
thanks for everything*

MyGirls

*for those irreplaceable memories,
those crazy times&ups and downs we share,
tt special bond we have*

TBS

*those secrets&problems we share*

KORS/SIS

*you know who you are, thanks for being there too*

every night,
I'd hear the songs I'd ask him to send to me,
listen to it till ii fall asleep.
when ii didn't ask him to send me,
he's auto send a song to me.
how i miss him but yet ..
ii don't know how to get close to him anymore.

why must ii always fall crazily in love
with someone whom ii cant get !?
WHY !?

ii cant stand it no more..

KABOO !! xD

ii had LOTSA FUN at ZOO today !! XDD
cabbed to amk mrt to meet ron.dearest first .
then took bus 138 from interchange to bandai zoo !
hees ^^

bought the 2-in-1 tix {x
so we're gonna go back there for night safari another day !!
YEAA ~
xD
super duper happy lurs !
hees ^^

we're at the zoo for like erm ..
4hrs+ ?
cos close at 6 & we only reached&bought the tix at like 1+ ?
but still IT'S FUN FUN FUNNNNNNN ! *grins*
watched the seal show *forgot the name of the show though* /=
hees ~
&tt might be one of the part i'd rmber besides all the laughter .
cos he held me by the waist to make sure ii dont fall cos we're like at the edge.
*aww ~
SWEET !! *okays, ii know i'm getting carried away here*
LOL

then sometimes when i'm too concentrated on looking at the animals
he's suddenly scare me or tickle me from behind ! *bites*
hahas XD
but i'm seriously thinking ..
what does he treat me as ?
a normal friend/close buddy ?
or something more ?
II WANNA KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!
but i'm afraid to ask .
much too afraid ..
*emo*

&he's like so gentlemen lurs !!
taking my orders for food,
making sure nth happen to me,
holding me close when i'm about to fall,
always making sure i'm safetly on the cab
even though he have a sch gathering today.
xD

those are like simple things most of my ex seem to have =.="
those tt have such things are maybe ..

1` Richard.S.YY *sweet&caring but works too much !! we'd always gonna breakup when he starts working*,

2` AhWee *he's one tt never complains but guess ii disturbed him at the wrong time /=*,

3` Jiahao *he's nice&all, hrmm .. ii can't seem to see anything wrong in him actually . LOL, but we just parted.. in fact ii dont even know when we're tgt, it's just tgt like SNAP . LOL*

* okays.. when did ii start talking bout my ex suddenly? =.=" *

back to zoo topic !!
LOL
so now i'm like looking forward to night safari with him ,! xD
*okays, i'm going insane.. dam !! when did ii become this crazy over a guy ?*
/=
tsk tsk ~

why must ii be so freaking tall !?
if not at least ii wont feel tt scared to like/love a guy this much ..
hais ~
fuckk shit !!
hais ..
*shit.. ii think i'm gonna get depression .. =.=*
NONO !! cannot be negative !!
he's always asking me to grow up and be positive !!
hais ..
who the fuckk am ii kidding ..
if i'm positive ..
it's just aint me anymore ~
only around him then ii could smile like an innocent child .
but when back home ..
ii just have to push myself to smile and be positive
*BUMMER !!*

okays ..
idk what else to type ..
i'm like so into facebook games xD
wahahas ~

LATER PEEPS ~

*&i'm gonna change my dressing on monday*

i'm rotting at home th whole bloody day.
*BAHHS !!
watching 'okto' the whole afternoon&evening =.=
reading "YAKUZA MOON" xD

it's only been like 2 hrs&i'm finishing th book already !!
now talking to arhbee on the phone,
talking bout the first time we met.
LOL
dam funny sia, rmber those days ~
LOL

few hrs time&i'd be going ZOO !! XD
YEAA ~
hope my head doesn't drop out halfway ~
=x
hahas

wonder how would tmr zoo go /=
&hope dearest rmber to ask his sis for camera x.X
arbo no photos =.=
*bummer !!

ii wanna try not going out for a month
then find a day to go out the whole day and spend without worry !!
now tt'd be a real fun and great day of pampering myself !! xD
wahahas ~
*arhbee says it's impossible for me* =.="
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS !!

dam !!
i'm over the time tt i'm suppose to sleep ~
SHIIT !!
aiyars, i'll just make it up for it tmr ii guess =x
wahahas ~

bo bian, once ii talk on the phone with arhbee,
it's no stopping us from crapping till either one falls asleep !!
lalalas ~

photos up *yea ii know, dam zhi lian right ?* xD





look at those freaking zombie eyes =.="











my niece&me xD

alrights,
sorry peeps for not blogging so darn long =x
ii just discharged from hospital =.="
admitted in NUH for 5days *since monday*
had 2 op, tuesday&thursday
&now both my hand is bloody hell pain from the needles to poke the tube in
*RARRS !!*

thanks to ..
`pearlBBMEII
`michBF&kelvinKOR
`fuliangKOR&carol
`arhBEE
`lincolnDIDI&his friend
`qiqiMEI&kimberly
`melGF&zhonglian
`janeCOUZZIE

for visiting me,
sorry to those tt ii didnt tell,
dont wanna let you all travel around thus
only those tt got contact me those 5 days knows [=

sorry michBF ii couldn't make it on thursday.
but still .
wishing LOVELLE A HAPPY BELATED FIRST BIRTHDAY !! XD
hees ^^

hope i'd be good enough to go zoo this sunday )x
&guess ii just sorted out my whole thinking ..

ii wanna stay single !! =x
cos guess tt's the only way ii can protect myself from everything /=
heh ~

photos shall be up on th next post {x

went jamming again with th band !! xD
YEA !! ^^v
&at last my bass is in good health again to be played !!
DOUBLE YEA !! ^_________________^
but the A string abit soft leis =.="

but all was great&fun ! xD
went to eat with the band after tt
cos last min photoshoots cancelled.
gonna have it on thurs instead before going michBF's bf's hse .
for Lovelle's 1st year old b'dea !! XDD

not gonna for op anymore,
mummy trying a chinese med on me =.="
Zz ~
fri going to airport with jiji instead,
then jamming on sat after work at 7
then sat is ZOO with ron.dearest !! xD
TRIPLE YEA !! ^___________________________^V

ron.dearest is always chasing me to sleep early
since he know how serious my sick is )x
ii wanna be awake till he sleeps but bo bian,
he ask me to sleep then must guai guai bahs ~
lalalas ..
SHIIT !! why ii listen to him so much !? =.=
Zz ~

ahhhhhhhhhhh !
miss him lurs =x
oops ~

&hope all the girls turn up on thurs {=
then we could take a group photo again !! (=
*claps like a small lil alien turtle* LOL

kies ~
time's almost up ..
gonna turn in for the night again )x
lalalas ~






OYASUMI MINA !! *MUACKKS x33

okays ~
benedictSIS came to find me at the clinic after ii saw doc =.=
the fuckking doc gave me an injection lurs !! T.T
cried in the room cos yea i'm fuckking scared of needles.
actually he asked me do operation but ii chose anti-biotic first
cos ii got SOY later.

benSIS accompanied me home&waited for me to prepare finish
then took cabby to ngee ann poly
met jeannette !! xD
so freaking miss her lurs !!!!!!!!!!! *forgot to take photos* =.=
but jeannette needa leave early.

so then saw takuyaKOR too xD
saw the singing contest&i'm so darn attracted to th guy in red hair !!
dam hell cool lurs !! O_O
*grins*
after the contest benSIS left so ii followed takuyaKOR [=

then walked around letting ppl take photos of me /=
*i'm still finding all my photos !!*
hahas ~

after tt went to lot1&took neoprint with takuyaKOR&his friend.
then ii cabbed home.

first time eating such big medicines lurs !! =.=
precisely is cos ii never knew how to eat tablet med *dont look at me tt way*
is korkorr help me put the tablet into my mouth de ~
then korkorr took a photo of the swell *wth ~*

when mummy came home,
guess wtf she said tt almost made me feel like just dying !?
she said doc called her after ii left .
saying tt if it continues,
my brain would soon be damage and then i'd die !!
FUCKK SHIIT !!
he also said i'm too stress out and still push myself to do things
even when my body is already at the limit.
so ..
WOW !! i'm so gonna fuckking be dead if ii continue being like this *emotionless*

wokayy !!
so i'm like gonna be going for operation on monday =.="
FUCKK !!
OPERATION LEIS !!
kaos !!! *tears building up, gonna start crying again soon, hopefully not*
i've never been to an operation before lurs ,!
&if ii would cry cos of an injection then operation..
ii think ii would run and kill myself halfway !! /=

okays, guess what !?
i'm thinking bout monday op so much tt now i'm freaking hell crying T.T
*WEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS !!*
ii feel like running away now !!
but ron.dearest keep telling me must learn to face reality !! )x
OH YARS !! ron.dearest is BACK !! YEA ~~~~~~~~~ XD

alrights,
better stop typing for now cos it's gonna be 12 soon.
&i'd have to be a good alien and go sleep /=





OYASUMI MINA !! ^^
*huggies*

okays ~
guess what !?
II FREAKING HELL SPEND $388 TODAY !!
power right ? =x
bought a freaking belt for $106 cos it's customize xD
bought one white Victorian like top for $40 something
bought one black top and bottom for $61 *clubbing wear*
then withdrew out $110 for the repair of my bass&sheesha
then another $42.30 on taxi fare =.="

now my bank is left with ehhs ..
$608 =.=
but lucky would have another $200 on sunday after photoshoots xD
sibei heng uhhs !!

today met up with qiqiMEI, kimberly&dawn*my sch sec mate*
met at fareast first then ate at Hans.
cabbed to parklane to collect my bass&continued to haji lane for sheesha
sheesha till 12 then cabbed home

I MISS RON.dearest !! )x
SHIIT !!
hais ~
dunno lurs ..
T.T

&S.O.Y is in a few hrs time !! {x
&ron would be coming back too ~
YEA ~
hees ^^

&ii better stop spending like nobody's business =.=
the whole day i've been 'sua-ing' my nets lurs ~
shitty hell !!
LOL

okays ~
gonna go wash up and do face mask then go orhorhh lo ~
wahahas xD

let's see .
next sat jiji's fetching me from work
then go airport *dont look at me, continue reading* xD
jiji wanna buy the elmo there&other stuffs ii guess ~
then we're gonna go eat popeye *which would be my first time*
then after tt swensen's ice cream *it's been years~*
*yea ~
then sky train *never sit before leis /=

lalalas ~

then next sun would be zoo with ron.dearest ~
LOL

next week's gonna be a nice good week {x
lalalas ~