*

maybe it might happen, maybe it wont

I'm losing control over myself.
ii cant continue lying to myself anymore.
as much as ii try to be positive in front of him.
in the end, I'm only lying to myself.
I've always know if ii can get the guy ii love or not.
&this time..

it's impossible ~

he's so near yet so far from my grasp .
the pain from loving someone secretly.
I'm going insane.
ii can't be positive anymore,

this mask does not suit me.

each time ii meet up with him.
ii have to pretend to smile&be happy with life.
but the only reason ii could do it in front of him

is cos he's just beside me.

but back home.

my energy is all drained away.

ii know very well tt ii cant have him.
yet I'm so insane over him.
he stopped calling me those sweet names.
it hurts but ii still tried to continue a conversation.
he stopped being sweet to me.
tt makes me so afraid to lose him altogether.

who am ii lying to?

I'm going out of control.
maybe not eat for a few days
then eat all the med tt ii have at one go.
so if ever ii stop replying messages..
you all sld know what happen to me.

th tracy you all know..
doesn't have the courage to carry on living anymore.
but I've tried almost everything in life already.
so ii guess i could go away peacefully /=
ii guess ii owe the biggest sorry to ..
MyFamily

*for bringing me up*

RON

*you're the one I'm insane over now, sorry for not being able to carry on
despite on how you're telling me to grow up but it's just not me*

ArhBee

*for always being there no matter what&what time,
we always seem to know when either of us are down
even without telling each other,
thanks for everything*

MyGirls

*for those irreplaceable memories,
those crazy times&ups and downs we share,
tt special bond we have*

TBS

*those secrets&problems we share*

KORS/SIS

*you know who you are, thanks for being there too*

every night,
I'd hear the songs I'd ask him to send to me,
listen to it till ii fall asleep.
when ii didn't ask him to send me,
he's auto send a song to me.
how i miss him but yet ..
ii don't know how to get close to him anymore.

why must ii always fall crazily in love
with someone whom ii cant get !?
WHY !?

ii cant stand it no more..