having to come home to an empty hse after sch,
it somehow makes your whole heart empty too ~
it's always like this since young,
tt's why ii always would stick to my bro when he's home,
but he's always having his own friends.

now back in ite again,
going to sch&dressing differently from others,
ii guess ii give others the aura of 'get away from me'
&that's when ii was surprised when green flower even started talking to me,
ii thought i'd just be a loner again,
but no ~
i'm surrounded by guys who try to click with me.
who bothered to ask me where i'm going after sch,
even just striking up a conversation shows alot {x
this post would never be known to them,
but i'm just typing for the sake of acknowledging them
&thanking them ~

yes ii admit ii like the attention x.x
well, at least enjoy it in sch cos back home..
i'd just be facing my own bedroom walls,
listening to high society classical music&reading book ~
so now,
each day ii look forward for the next day of sch
as that's the only place of happiness for me now
*girls, you're included but this post is bout my ite so yupps^^
my happiness is also with you all kies*
*LOVES*

mummy's feeling down,
&ii know the whole thing even though she told me only part of it,
cos ..
ii went to read her diary =x
sorry but mummy's diary is the only diary tt ii read in my life
cos as a mother, she wont tell her children much right ?
so since the diary is there on her table,
so i just took it and read ..
but yet ii think ~
why do i read when i could do nth..

life's complications could never be solve..

sch's not as interesting as green flower hasn't come to sch for 2 days.
&ii wonder wth did he told smallboy&botak -.-
on mon they suddenly say,"ehhs ~ your bf not here today le"
ii was like HUH !?!?
then ii pointed to jackjack then said,
"na ! jackjack's my bf ! xD"
hahas
&they said the same thing today again -.-
when class was going to end for the day,
green flower msged one of them asking me if ii miss him *faints*
ii gave tt kinda WTH look back to them after reading the sms -.-
Zz ~

ytd went to michBF's hse again,
wayneGF came along after awhile {x
headed to sunshine plaza*ii think tt's the name of the building right ?*
hahas ~
made Lovelle's library card ^^
then bought snacks !! xD
wahahahahas ~
gf was trying to make me not spend too much x.x
heh ~
then went to the playground first then headed back to bf's hse {x
watched channel8 show till 10 then played some puzzle quest
&headed home soon after.
XD

today after sch met with qiqiMEI&zenzen soon joined after tt,
just walked around&idk for fuckk my stomach hurt like hell !!
meimeii was pissed off with zenzen&me and she went off first,
then zenzen and me walked to mrt and parted there
sinced ii taking bus mahs x.x
walking is already torturing enough,
i felt like just letting myself faint right there,
but i cant ~
i'm much too far away from my own hse,
and come on ! alien's aint tt weak x.x
but ii did feel blurry all the way ..
luckily the bus came just when ii reached the bus stop ^^
it's still hurting but not as bad as before /=

deardearr seems so busy at camp
and ii thought they'd at least give 15-30mins time for them to use phone
ohwells ~
tt's why ii say CANNOT put 100% in..
&ii have other reasons for tt too /=
gf, bf, bbmeimeii&meimeii knows ~
is it just be being paranoid or is it really true ?
idk, only you know it yourself best ya ..

hope green flower would be in sch tmr,
ii rather get disturbed by him rather than small boy -.-
small boy's disturbing is really ..
making me feel like going into depression or either killing him !!
*grr ~
the matured thinking one would be botak !!
the rest of the class ppl ..
mostly c.m.i with their childish ways -.-
not all but most ~

ytd was fun connecting back at bf's hse *mich*
^^v
yutingMyLady&wayneGf came first
then followed by pearlBBmeimeii {x
but by the time BBmeimeii reached,
wayneGF left lurs )x

Lovelle's grown so sooooooo big sinced the last time ii saw her xD
michBF's hair is sooooooo long already lurs x.x
tt makes my hair length the shortest .OMG !!
it's fun talking&connecting back with each other ^^
majong was fun too with yutingMyLady, kel.korkorr&his friend xD
ii lose like dunno what la -.-
Zz ~

to all 3 of you *
let's meet up as often alrights ?
i'm most probably be popping by to find mich weekly
or either once in 2 weeks sinced she's just 1 stop from my sch {x
so when i'm going again i'd update you all alrights ?
&hope by the next time we'd all have more time with each other.

rmber the times we used to have meeting every sat at cine ?
those were the crazy times we have which only consists of only us
the times where we weren't tt busy to put time off for a gathering
we dont even need to plan but just automatically would be there xD
hahas ~

those carefree days ii know might not be possible
but NOT impossible as long as we put in the effort ya ?
ii aint good with words but yea ~
ii think you all should understand ^^
hees *grins*
so ..
i'm looking forward to our next meetup..
&ii hope you all do too {x

woots !
at last got lappy to update my blog.
first day of sch was miserable till ii cried.
but after tt i'm happy with sch life {x

now i'm always with a group which consists of ..
green flower, botak, smallboy & me LOL
hahas
all guys x.x
it started with green flower disturbing me,
then botak&small boy is follow him de,
then green flower now is always follow me
arbo is he ask me go out with them or what.
hahas
he reminds me so much of my macpherson ite sillyboy !! xD
nice ppl but they sure know how to disturb me -.-
nbcb !! *grr ~
but they're fun to be with lurs ^^v
yea ~

school's fun now with them around {x
then today got one more guy come in..
he's like the only guy tt seems so beng-ish la x.x
next week start lesson lo ~
&it'll be 9+ more days till deardearr could book out of camp *GRINS*
lalalas~

kies lurs, stop here for now..
lazy type lurs x.x
&wont be logging in much as my lappy ganna rain water )x

now deardearr should be at tekong le.
&i'm crying not cos i miss him
but cos he havent msg me !! T.T
ii sms-ed him to tell me when he wakes up but nth at all .
ii purposely stayed awake till 6+ am to see if he's msg me,
but NOOOOOOOOOOO !!
nth at all ...
i'm disappointed/ sad& super paranoid now x.x

ytd night was a nice night of meeting up with pearlBBMEII&yutingMyLady
^^v
talked bout lotsa stuffs&targeted for something 2yrs time {x
love them to bits la !!! XD
missed our train x.x
so we all took different bus to somewhere near our hses.
but MyLady's bus was gone )x
BBmeimeii ii think she took to somewhere nearer to take taxi.
ii took the bus to opposite clementi bus station and walked home.
&bloody korkorr's kfc's drink leaked x.x


when ii reached home,
deardearr told me he going sleep lurs )x
then korkorr ask me spam maple for 1hr /=
deardearr's sent me an sms..
first time saying nites without any of the dear word
neither did he state love you.
it suddenly becomes so weird from tt moment he msg me tt..
&it just feels more weird when he didnt msg me ..
hais ~

then around 2+ reginA.IREN sms-ed me,
was going to bath tt time,
so hurried to bath then called her,
talked with her till 5:50 something then her phone died lurs.
hees ~

then continued to stay awake to see if deardearr wld sms me,
but no ..
soon ii fell asleep around 630+
&guess ii forgot to off my music then my phone died too
so didnt get to call dan zi wake up x.x
woke up at 11+
sigh ~

gonna wake airen up at 230 then prepare go bugis,
pei her to the temple there to pray {x
wed meeting her to go club,
would be just the 2 of us
&so far we planned to go to 3clubs tt night,
attica would be last for dancing,
arena&the one tt took over mos would be the first 2
if possible we'd be going as many clubs cos why ?
to drink our hearts out T.T
yes ..
we are tt emo yet high now ..
&it's ladies night so it's free ~~~~~~~~~~
then gonna ton at the bridge there then take first bus/train home
hais ..

shit la!!
i'm starting to get paranoid !! T.T
hais ..

i miss him.
aitai.

when he isnt by my side

deardearr's gonna serve army soon )x
so ..
how am ii suppose to cope with the 2weeks
where he wont be here,
where i wont be able to see or hug him .
these few days i'm mostly with him tt now ..
ii just suddenly feel so idk ..
kaos !

why must s'pore have army for so long -.-
why !?
some more not like he can talk to me whole night this time round /=
ii sware ii sure at home emo like F*** de lors,
some more ii no laptop x.x

no deardearr to see..
no deardearr to talk to till either one of us sleep..
no deardearr to go out with ..
no deardearr to hug with ..
no deardearr to disturb ..
no deardearr to find ..
during this WHOLE 2 HELLY BORING WEEKS !!
F*** LAAAAAAA !!
TMD !!

why must all guys go army )x
nbcb !!
*RARRS !

HEY YO PEOPLE !!
kies at last ii can use com x.x
my lappy ganna water so it aint workable now )x

thursday went out to watch shinjuku incident with deardearr xD
nice show and grulesome too cos of the hand ganna chop off x.x
wth la !!
TMD !!!
ahahahaas ~
after tt went deardearr hse stay over,
his newphew dam cute lurs !! xD
*KYAA ~~~

then lucky everyone is friendly arbo you see this lil alien turtle quiet at a corner x.x
lalalalas ~
then si deardearr forever like hungry de lors -.-
hahas
then he play dota but ii fell asleep while seeing him play halfway x.x
Zz ~

then jui shi fri lurs.
went to eat first then went to amk find his army stuffs
then went back to his hse then he prepare
then go back to my hse then my turn to prepare
then go bugis haji lane find qiqiMEI&angeline
for sheesha ~
then qiqi&angeline left early -.-
around 10+ then went to the new building at bugis
to explore around&saw reginaAIREN ^^v
the arcade there is POWER LURS !!
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO ~

then at 12+ walked to town cos bo bus lurs,
then waited for 1hr for my NR.
&ii didnt know at cine there no more lurs.
like WTFH LAAAAAAAAAAA !!
*grr ~
_l_
TMD !!
then deardearr so tired still waiting with me for my NR .
lucky the second NR5 stopped for me to board ^^v

then reached hm&slept at 3+ am
korkorr called me wake up at 1030 la -.-
to help him spam maple then in the end internet got problem x.x
so went to watch spongebob square pants !! XD
then prepare to meet jiji at paya lebar
talked bout army cos he also gonna enlist on monday ~
2 WEEKS LE !!
deardearr also -.-
then ii wld be rotting like dunno what liaos )x
*CRIESSSSSSSSSS ~

then went to amk buy contacts then go deardearr's hse
which is where ii am now blogging {x
hees ^^v
lalalalaas ~

later got Man-U match !!
yea ~
^^v
MAN-U ALL THE WAY YO !! ~
*grins*

&dumbdumb deardearr's gonna play dota after the match -.-
so ...
WTFH am ii suppose to do )x
*whinesssssss ~

BORED LA !!

qiqiMEIMEII&me on Tuesday.cine {x



my sweet lil twin,
where we do things tgt
&pour out our feelings to each other.
be it happiness, sadness or anger.
aiming towards our goal tgt,
being there physically/mentally.
thinking up all the crazy ideas&laugh it off ~
xD

she's my other half *twin*
she's my happiness when i'm sad
she's my laughter when i'm angry
it's coming to 2yrs sinced we first knew each other.
or maybe it has already been 2yrs {x

thanks for everything,
for being there,
to share our ups&downs with each other ^^v
*&dont you dare cry after reading*
hahas XD

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lalalas ~
can't believe i'm so free to do this x.x
Zz ~

idk why ..
ii just feel like drowning myself right now..
drowning&not caring a single thing.
ii dont feel like doing anything,
dont feel like eating
dont feel like drinking
dont feel like living

ii wanna go for plastic surgery,
ii wanna be prettier,
ii wanna be numb so tt
ii could cut my own flash out .
the feeling of inferiority is so great
tt i actually hate myself so much now ~
ARGHH !! ~

feel like banging my head till ii get into a coma,
till i forget who i am..
okays, idk who ii am in the first place la -.-
hais ..

ii have the feeling to just take my penknife
not to slit my wrist but ..
to slit my face ..
to slit my neck for hope tt ii might cut till my wind pipe..
to slit myself dead ..

idk why i'm thinking all these ..
idk why i'm like this now ..
idk wth is wrong with me now..
i cant handle anything anymore ..

i'm lost ..
totally lost ..
is this a dream or reality ?
i feel useless ..
i feel inferior ..
i feel sadistic ..
i feel lonely ..
i feel unsafe ..
i feel empty ..
i feel like crying out of the sudden,
&i dont even know why ..

i'd just be looking and doing my own thing,
&the next thing i know is i'm crying ..
crying&not knowing why ..
ARGHHHHHH !!

ii feel like screaming my lungs out,
but i cant.
ii feel like crying my heart out,
but idk why.
ii feel worst than rubbish,
but i have to hide the facts.

if only ii can make a happy clone of myself,
then i stay home while tt clone entertain everyone tt knows me,
then i'd be able to fade away without worries.